Taming the Free

I’ve learned that there is more to this world than just the square inch I have allowed myself to take up. But what do I do with said freedom when I decide to step outside the safety of this square inch? Freedom is almost too much to take in, so keeping to the familiar turns out to be comforting. Comforts like, daily routine, hobbies, food, interactions with other humans, or not, & where I choose to rest my head at night, and even more importantly, my way of thinking.

All of these things work, in theory. I know this because they are my comforts, but comfort shouldn't be confused with conformity. Have I become so accustomed to my own said comforts because I was conformed to feel them? Or do I enjoy the comforts I have come to develop & call my own? I'm finding that my comforts may need a Marie Kondooverhaul. What truly brings me joy?

I thought I knew all along what my comforts were, which I did, but I didn't trust myself enough to feel them.

Life has provided me with very "itchy" moments & feelings, feelings for example are inner thoughts like: I don't really want to be doing this thing or be in this situation or be with these people or even be having this conversation... those itchy feelings are the ones I have settled for. The very clear feelings I have that are black & white, have muddled to some kind of gray that has been layered on overtime.

I have settled into what society holds so highly as "important." I have set myself up for disappointment because all along I didn't follow my gut. I didn’t listen to that voice. And now, when I choose my voice vs painting on yet another coat of gray, the response is not the most welcoming. Sometimes it is laughable & not because I'm the one laughing.

So how DO we re-introduce ourselves, do we even need to?

Like an abandoned building left to the elements & lost to nature, eventually, it will be completely engulfed, unrecognizable for what it originally was, blending in with the rest of its surroundings.

That is what conformity feels like to me. I've allowed myself to be taken over & breaking free is proving to be more difficult than anticipated. Even painful at times. Sometimes it's easier to lay down, roll over & fall into submission than togo through the discomforts of being fully human.

So when it comes to real-life situations… how is it that we get comfortable enough to step outside the familiar to show up for ourselves? How do we be our true selves while also catering to those who are not ready to see us?

From a Birdseye view, the concepts of being free & experiencing the gift of self-love without reservations, don't fit into the societal mold of today’s teachings.

A whole new way of thinking is trying to emerge, a shift if you will, yet not all are on board with the shift, let alone received the memo about said shift.

The human race needs a break, from all the showmanship, all the pressure of standing out & being better, stronger, faster, richer, insert whatever expectation you are tired of carrying around. Why can't we just focus on being human? Isn't thathard enough?

SO how do we bridge the gap? How do we have healthy conversations that may also be incredibly hard to have? Or do we not? Wouldn't that be a disgrace to ourselves, growth & a better understanding of the unique minds we all carry?

I refuse to subscribe to a way of thinking that is out of date.

HOW do we live our life fully & truthfully without abandoning ourselves…

I do not know. I do not know how to navigate these waters. I do not know how to have hard conversations with others while also having them be constructive. When do I get to be HUMAN without filtering out all of THE HUMAN? How soft must I become so that others don't have to deal with my rough edges?

Indeed, Glennon Doyle, we CAN do hard things….. but sometimes, I need an instruction manual.